I Love

I love how you laugh at awkward situations,
Michael Scott was your hero way before he was mine

I love how you squint in the sun like you're lost in thought
How you're proud of your wrinkles and your stories untold

I love how you curl up into ball at night
And smell sweet and sleepy the morning after that

I love how you put together a magnificent frozen meal
Who cares if you can't cook, you draw smiles with the food

I love how you mock us the bourgeois,
How you toast not with water, but with your heart

I love how you smile, smile big with your eyes
And I love how you cried once, when you said

I love you

Portraits de la rue

Je vois des portraits Warhol de nous

dans les vitrines des Champs

sur les affiches dans le métro

dans les colonnes Morris ils tournent

lentement

Rouge et bleu, rose et violet

Tel qu'un tirage de photomaton spontané

Ton sourire si naturel s’allume et s’éteint

Mon visage s’adapte au maquillage

Côte à côte tes bleus et mes rouges

Je vois des portraits de nous

White ceilings

Yesterday I spent  an hour lying on the floor, staring at the ceiling. It's strange how time seems to slow down when your thoughts are picking at your heart, like tiny nail clippers with their awful snapping sounds.

Yet, the whiteness of the ceiling was soothing. Those rolling waves of white nothingness numb the throbbing pain in my mind and my heart. Although watching the sky would have been much better, I was unable, incapable or unwilling to go outside. My house is my refuge. It was all I had left after losing the war three years ago. From the rubble I built this bunker, from the bunker I grew a home. My house is my refuge, I storm it alone.

At this very moment I wish I was back there, lying on the floor and thinking about nothing at all. Because all I can think of right now is you, you and the smile I robbed from your face. Nothing made me happier than making you happy, making you smile, watching that glimmer in your eyes.

A crude awakening like an icy shower in January, just as you start to pry open the right eyelid that always seems to take longer than the left. The water's got me shivering and panting but I can't help myself, I was suffocating in the warmth of your embrace.

And so tonight I know where I'll be, back on that floor, staring at the ceiling and feeling the aberrant purge of your kisses and your tenderness. No war this time, just a pinnacle of surrender where nobody wins. No prisoners of war, just two casualties. Just... defeat.

Tu ne bois pas

Tu ne bois pas
Aucun appel ne me réveillera la nuit

On trinquera plus jamais de l'eau
Tu ne bois pas

Tu n'es plus là
Le lueur de tes yeux n'allume plus le noir

Ton bordel est nulle part
Tu n'es plus là

Tu ne bois pas
Tu n’es plus là
T’es plus à moi

I miss you so bad

Lame Light

Two cups of poison the color of wine
The texture, the feel of any other night

A whisper, a confession, a bleached out lie
To save you, to save me, to wrong a right

No blanket of stars, no moon in our sky
No comfort, no warmth, just clinical light

You gave me your heart and I gave you mine
I kissed it thrice and held out my hand

Watched it fly away,
away, into the night.

Goodbye
Hold tight
Lie

The Monster

I guess it is, I guess it's me
the monster in this fading - fairy tale
My fingers curl backwards with shame

Shame for the wrongdoing though just it may be
For no good deed goes unpunished
and no love is spared from - me

Not one word or song could ever express
could ever justify, explain, make the pain go away
No lie, no poem, no magnificent spell
can cuddle you at night, say it's all gonna be
alright.

For we must both suffer this fate,
we must rip at the seams and cry out in pain
And burn, burn, burn for what's lost
Cry, fade, let our love go in vain

I am a fade, a beast, a terrifying fiend
Save yourself, don't look back
Leave this wreck, leave me behind